I had just been assigned to a new manager, and I wanted to communicate how excited I was to be part of the team. In my first one-on-one with her, I said, thinking I was demonstrating enthusiasm, “I’m anxious to get started on the XYZ account.”
Her not-so-pleased reply, “You’re anxious? Why are you anxious? If you mean you are looking forward to working on the account, you should have said, “I’m eager to get started.”
She and I did not have the best working relationship. Our communication styles clashed. As a Si Style, I strongly need to communicate my enthusiasm, and I like my feelings to be acknowledged. I needed to connect, and this manager was not very connectable.
As a High C, my manager had little interest in my enthusiasm quotient. She wanted to hear logic, analysis, and supporting data from me. In that first meeting, analytics, and logic were the last things on my mind.
In those days, before I was aware of DiSC behavior styles, the conflict in our communication caused a great deal of anxiety, not eagerness. The more I tried to win her respect, the less successful I was. If I had just understood what I needed to do to “win” her respect, I believe I could have successfully communicated with her. Would I have enjoyed it? Probably not. But, understanding that our styles were opposed could have helped me use strategies to bridge our relatively vast chasm.
Do you suspect you have difficulty understanding someone’s communication style?
Some of the signs that you are having difficulty understanding someone’s communication style include:
- Misunderstanding their intentions and messages
- Feeling confused or frustrated during communication.
- Frequently asking them to repeat what they’ve said.
- Ignoring or dismissing their opinions and ideas.
- Having difficulty building rapport or establishing a connection.
There are many reasons why people may have a communication conflict with someone. Sometimes, it’s a cultural difference. Some cultures pride themselves on being direct and honest. Yet, what people from other cultures hear is not their directness but “rudeness.”
Language barriers, personal biases, assumptions, a person’s emotional state, and other environmental factors all contribute to problematic communication. However, contrasting communication styles are by far the primary culprits.
If you don’t know how the person likes to receive information, how you deliver your message could irritate them and result in their reacting to the issue directly opposite of how you wanted them to respond.
Tips on How to Better Understand Someone’s Communication Style
If you are having difficulty understanding someone’s communication style, here are some tips to help you:
Listen Actively
Active listening is a critical skill that helps you better understand the speaker’s message and intent. When actively listening, you fully engage in the conversation, paying attention to the speaker’s words, tone, and nonverbal cues. For more information on how to present information to maximize each style’s listening skills, read (The Importance of Active Listening in Communication Styles).
Ask Questions
Asking questions is an excellent way to clarify information, gather more details, and show interest in the conversation. It also helps the speaker feel heard and understood, which can improve the quality of communication.
Pay Attention to Nonverbal Cues
Nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice can provide valuable insight into the speaker’s communication style. Please pay attention to these cues and try interpreting their meaning to better understand the speaker’s message.
D Styles typically exude confidence whether they feel it or not. They like their presence to be known and if you are in a conference room, The D-Style individual will naturally gravitate to the head of the table. They like to make eye contact.
I Style individual likes to smile. They not only talk with their hands, but their entire body can become animated during a conversation. In discussions when they are standing, they may invade other people’s personal space. They like being close and engaged with people. In fact, if there is too much distance between the I style individual and others, the i-Style person will feel uneasy. I Style individuals’ conversations can be derailed if they believe a “detractor” is in their midst.
S Style individuals are known for being the best listeners and their body language reinforces this. They will often lean into the conversation, some empathic facial expressions and nod their heads throughout the conversation. Note: this head nodding DOES NOT necessarily mean they are agreeing with you. It is just as likely that the S style individual is nodding to let their discussion partner know they are being heard.
C style individuals typically have reserved nonverbal communication styles. When in a conversation their hands may be in their pockets. They may clasp their hands behind their backs or rest their chins in their hands, much like Rodin’s “The Thinker.” Their faces tend to look expressionless or even critical.
Use Mirroring Technique
Mirroring technique involves repeating the speaker’s words or phrases to show that you are listening and to encourage them to expand on their ideas. It also helps to establish a connection and build rapport with the speaker.
Seek Feedback
Ask the speaker for feedback on your communication style to identify areas for improvement and better understand their preferences. This can help you adjust your style to better match theirs.
Avoid Making Assumptions
Avoid making assumptions about the speaker’s intentions or message, which can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication. Instead, clarify information and ask questions to ensure you are on the same page.
Strategies for Effective Communication Across Different Communication Styles
To effectively communicate with individuals who have different communication styles, here are some strategies to consider:
Learn about Different Communication Styles
Learn about different communication styles and how they can influence communication. This can help you better understand the speaker’s preferences and adjust your communication style accordingly.
Be Respectful and Open-Minded
Respect the speaker’s communication style and be open-minded about their perspectives and opinions. This can help build trust and establish a connection, which can lead to more effective communication.
Adapt Your Communication Style
Adapt your communication style to match the speaker’s preferences. This can involve adjusting your tone, language, and nonverbal cues to better align with their communication style.
Use Clear and Concise Language
Use clear and concise language to ensure that your message is understood. Avoid using jargon, technical terms, or ambiguous language that can lead to confusion or misunderstanding.
Choose the Right Communication Channel
Choose the right communication channel that is most appropriate for the situation and the speaker’s preferences. This can include face-to-face communication, phone calls, email, or instant messaging.
Conclusion
Effective communication is essential for building strong relationships and achieving success in various fields. However, communicating with individuals who have different communication styles can be challenging. To better understand someone’s communication style, listening actively, asking questions, paying attention to nonverbal cues, and trying to put yourself in their shoes is essential. To communicate effectively across different communication styles, learning about them, being respectful and open-minded, adapting your communication style, using clear and concise language, and choosing the right communication channel are essential. Following these tips and strategies can improve your communication skills and build stronger relationships with others.